


It Was Always You

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Best Friends, Crying, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Marriage, Moving On, One Night Stands, Rejection, Sort Of, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, The Author Regrets Everything, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 23:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18376733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Colby loves Sam.Sam loves Katrina.Colby moves on. Somehow.





	1. Intro

Colby had never been one for unrequited love. If a girl didn't like him, he'd move on and find another girl. Not that he was some heartless fuckboy, he just didn't see the point in loving someone who won't do the same.

Of course, that didn't go as planned. Colby didn't always have feelings for Sam. It didn't come all at once in some big, startling realization either. It grew slowly, over the course of hundreds of sleepless nights and stares that last just a moment too long. And knowing Colby's luck, Sam showed no signs of having similar feelings.

Colby still had trouble admitting his feelings to himself, even, much less admitting them to Sam. None of his friends knew. None of his family knew. Colby knew that this was more than just some crush. And he hated himself for it.  
What kind of person falls in love with their best friend? Sam would probably think he was some freak if Colby told him the truth. 

The truth that...For some reason, whenever Sam laughed, Colby's lips always had to melt into a smile. That when Sam hugged him, Colby's whole body lit up with a warm happiness. That Sam was always first priority. No matter the situation. 

Because that wasn't how it was for Sam. Colby was nearly certain that Sam's main priority, would have to be none other than Kat.


	2. Chapter 2

Colby sat on Sam's couch, at least 3 feet from Katrina and Sam. He scrolled through Instagram, trying to break his gaze and thoughts away from the loud giggling of Kat.

"You're so funny, Samuel." Katrina's melodic voice seeped through the barriers his mind had created. Sam laughed, and Colby could imagine his face without looking. Smile wide, creating small dimples on either corner. His cheeks a light shade of pink, and eyes half shut. 

Colby smiled lightly to himself, before he remembered that he was not the reason Sam was smiling. Katrina was. 

"Hey, Colby, you okay, dude?" Sam's voice sent blood rushing to his face. Colby just hoped it didn't show when he turned to look at his best friend. Sam had a concerned frown painting his face. Katrina sat behind him, a mixture of confusion and concern.

Colby managed to nod. "Yeah, why?" 

Sam frowned again and turned to Kat. "Babe, can you go wait outside for a second...? I need to talk to Colby." 

Kat smiled in understanding. "Sure." She pecked his lips, leaving a pink tint from her lipstick. Colby's stomach hurt.

She walked across the room and out the door. Each click of her heels felt like ice in Colby's blood. 

"Cole. You haven't been yourself lately. You just seem. Sad or something. But not like you usually are." Sam moved a few inches closer to Colby. Colby's body tensed in apprehension. "I'm fine, bro."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked. "You know that you can tell me anything."

'If only.' Colby's mind supplied. The brunette met Sam's gaze. He memorized every detail of the blonde's pale blue eyes. The small white flecks of them, and the pupils dilating in brighter light. He nearly smiled.

"Yeah, man. I'm fine." Colby reassured Sam. Sam relaxed, exhaling in relief. 

"Good. Now listen. I'm thinking about asking Kat the big question. You know. The BIG question." Sam smiled nervously at his best friend. 

Colby's heart dropped so quickly that he almost choked on his own breath. "What...question?"

Sam leaned in so that his head was only a few inches from Colby's and whispered, "Like. To Marry me."

"I know it's a little early but I'm really certain that she's who I want to be with. She makes me feel like no one else does." Sam's eyes clouded with this dreamy mist. And Colby felt like falling over and dying.

So much hurt and jealousy curled in his chest. His mind clouded with it, and he could hardly think straight. He didn't reply. 

"Colby? You okay?" Sam nudged Colby's shoulder. Colby glared at him, feeling his defensive instincts kick in. Protect himself. 

"Why can't you just not hurt me?" Colby's voice shook with pain. "Why do you have to do this to me?"

Sam frowned in utter confusion. "What are you even talking about? How am I hurting you?" 

Colby stood up, running a hand through his hair in frustration. His breath caught in his throat and he growled. "You-You're so you! And I want it!" His hands shook by his sides, feeling all the pain and regret building up in his chest.

Realizing what he had spilled made his organs feel like they clenched up and he held his breath. Sam blinked in shock, lips parted slightly. "Dude..."

Colby didn't dare to reply. His body stayed still, and his eyes stayed glued to the floor. He let it all sink in as he waited for Sam to truly reply.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt like that. I don't-I don't feel the same way." 

Colby's eyes filled with tears, and he bit his tongue in an attempt to distract himself from the pain clawing at his heart. 

"We can just pretend you never said anything." Sam laughed nervously. He stood up. "We'll just be normal."

Colby didn't let the tears fall. His eyes met Sam's, and Sam saw the hurt and rage in his icy blue eyes. "Pretend I never said anything?" Colby hissed. 

Sam took a step back. This wasn't like Colby. Colby was calm, cool, and collected. He was Sam's rock in stressful situations. To see him, puffy eyed and panting, was unsettling.

"I'm in love with you, Sam! We can't pretend that doesn't exist." Colby clenched his fists. "God, it's you. It's always been you."

Sam stayed silent, letting Colby rant. 

"I fucking hate that I love you. I fucking hate YOU! All you've done for years is put me through this shit. And you didn't even notice." Colby paced. He let himself say everything he'd always wanted to. And through all the sorrow and regret that was heavy in his veins, it felt good.

Colby looked at Sam, who had tears running down red cheeks, and had pulled his sweater over his shaky hands. He knew he couldn't stand to be in the same room with him any longer. 

Colby stormed to the door, and turned one last time, the handle feeling cold due to his heated flesh. "I don't even need you anymore. Be happy with Katrina." 

He slammed the door behind him and stormed right past Kat, whose eyes were wide. He walked past his apartment room and right out the building. He didn't let himself think anymore about the situation and headed for Brennen.

Sam, on the other hand, sat on the couch and sobbed into his XPLR hoodie. He refused to let Katrina in, and sat with a heavy heart until sunrise.


	3. Chapter 3

Colby left the building with nothing but his wallet, phone, and car keys. But he didn't know when he'd be back.

He opened his car door and climbed into the driver's seat. He messed with his keys, breathing hitching up to near hyperventilation. He started the engine and floored it out of the parking lot.

He blasted whatever music was playing on Channel 47. He didn't care to listen, it was simply sound to try and block out the awful thoughts in his mind.

He drove 20 above the speed limit, straight to the first place his mind thought of. When he arrived, he nearly fell out of the car seat, slammed the car door shut and stormed into the building. 

He took the stairs instead of the elevator, pushing himself to the limit.  
He knocked on the door, sweating badly, with hair disheveled and teary eyes.

Brennen opened the door, frowning at the sigh of Colby. "Colby? Dude, you al-"

Colby pressed his lips onto Brennen's. His thoughts ran a mile a minute, but he needed something. Anything to get his mind off of Sam. And Brennen was right here.

His lips were warm. Slightly dry, but warm. And Brennen kissed back with little to no hesitation. Colby pushed Brennen against the door, shutting it in the process. Their lips moved in sync, and Colby pressed his body flat against Brennen's.

Brennen moaned softly into their kiss, giving Colby the perfect opportunity to slip his tongue into Brennen's mouth. Brennen led them into his bedroom without a word. "Fuck." Colby whispered, his skin feeling flushed.

Colby crushed Brennen against him, kissing him deeply. Brennen moved backwards, pulling Colby alongside him and suddenly he was falling but a bed under Brennen's back caught them. 

Brennen pushed Colby's shirt off in one smooth movement. Colby whimpered into Brennen's lips. Brennen flipped them over so he on top of Colby.

He ran a finger down Colby's toned abs. Their eyes met and Brennen kissed Colby hard. Passionately, their bodies flat against each other. "Sam!" Colby moaned before realizing what he had done.

Brennen stopped immediately. "What?" He said, frowning deeply. Colby inched backwards, folding his arms over himself. "I-I'm sorry." He whispered. 

Brennen huffed out a breath, handing Colby his shirt back. "It's alright dude. I've tried to uh. Do the same sorta shit with people before." 

Colby pulled his shirt over his head and stared at Brennen. Without knowing it, a small sob bubbled from his lips. Brennen blinked in surprise, but made no move to comfort him yet.

"I love him so much." Colby sobbed. "I love him so, so much."

Brennen nodded. "I bet you do, dude."   
He wrapped an arm around Colby's shoulders and let his friend sob into his chest. "It's going to be okay. You can sleep in my bed, I'll stay on the couch."

Colby wiped his tears with the back of his hand. "Thanks, man." He watched Brennen walk out of the room. And he stared at the moon from the large window by the bed until he fell asleep on the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

The first few moments after Colby slammed the door shut were slow. Sam felt caught in a web of shock and confusion.

Colby had just confessed that he was in love with him. His best friend of nearly 7 years was in love with him. And he just let him storm off, while he was obviously hurt and upset.

What kind of friend was Sam? Who knows what could happen to Colby? Sam swiped the tears from his face in one single motion and raced out of the apartment. 

He was met with the face of a horribly confused Katrina Stuart. "Did Colby go into his apartment? Where is he?" Sam demanded. Katrina stuttered over her words "He-He left the building already." 

Sam pulled out his phone to look at the time. 10:49 PM. He cursed. It was dangerous enough to be in LA by yourself during the day, let alone at night when you just had a night like Colby's. 

"Sam, what happened? Are you okay?" Katrina tried to comfort him by placing her hand on his shoulder but Sam shook it off. "Kat, I'm sorry but just go home while I figure this out." 

He hadn't meant to sound so annoyed. He was just stressed and worried. Katrina flinched but nodded and walked away with her head down.

Sam walked into his apartment and locked the door. He looked out the window to see Colby's car was gone from the parking lot. He called Colby's phone. No answer. He called again. No answer. 

He texted him "Where r u" and turned his phone off. He ran his hands through his hair as it all caught up to him.

Colby had confessed his love to Sam. Sam had rejected him. Colby told Sam that he hated him. Colby told Sam he didn't need him anymore. Colby left. 

Sam sobbed, falling onto the couch. He tugged lightly on stray strands of hair, worry surging through his veins. 

He loved Colby. Not the same way Colby loved him, apparently...But he loved Colby like a brother. If anything were to happen to him-

Sam's heart started pounding hard, and he called Colby one more time. Still no answer. His lungs started aching for air even though he was breathing heavily. His thoughts clouded. 

Did Colby really mean it? Did he not need Sam anymore? What about everything they'd done together? Was it over?

Sam stayed by the window all night, hoping and praying to see Colby Brock's car pull into the parking lot, or a call to pop up on his phone. Neither happened.

29 texts and 11 calls later. Still no Colby, and it was 6:09 AM.

Sam fell asleep gripping tightly to his XPLR hoodie.


	5. Chapter 5

Colby woke up, not remembering a single thing from the day before. He yawned, stretching an arm down to tighten his grip on the blankets.

The fabric felt different. Softer and more expensive than usual. He opened his eyes and was met with a completely different room than normal. His first reaction had been panic, before it all came rushing back to him.

His heart sank, and his face heated up with embarrassment. He groaned and ran a hand through his hair. He climbed out of bed and stumbled out into the kitchen, silently praying that Brennen wouldn't be there.

Classic Colby luck prevailed. Brennen was in the kitchen. But he was...talking to somebody? Colby could see a half open door, and he could hear Brennen grumbling but Brennen's body blocked his view of the other person.

Colby walked out as quietly and quickly as he could, straining to see past Brennen. Instantly, he caught a glimpse of the blonde hair that he could recognize anywhere. "Just let me see him. Just for a second. Please." Sam begged, his voice so weak and desperate.

Colby stayed silent. Brennen sighed. "It's up for him to contact you, dude. I'm sorry. It's not my decision." Brennen replied, annoyance seeping into his tone.

Sam shook his head, lip trembling as Brennen shut the door in his face. Brennen turned only to see Colby standing behind him. He jumped at first, too startled to register who it was.

"Colby! Jesus, you scared me. How...How much did you hear?" Brennen asked uncertainly. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and Colby wasn't sure why he was so nervous.

"N-Not too much." The brunette stuttered out. "I'm going to go. I need to get away from all of this. It's too much."

Brennen nodded slowly. "Okay, dude. You can always crash here if you want to." Brennen patted him on the shoulder and let him go without offering any more help or support. Colby briefly thought about what Sam would have done if he were Brennen. 

Colby got into his car, picking up his phone and scrolling through the calls and messages from Sam. He didn't answer them. Instead, he put in directions for Suicide Bridge, and floored it.


	6. Chapter 6

As Colby sat on the edge, he rethought his decisions. He thought about what had led him to this. 

It was Sam. Everything was always Sam. No matter what thought was in his mind, if he traced it back, it still started from Sam. Sam was everything. Everything was Sam.

And Colby loved Sam. He loved him intensely. So much that just thinking about him could change his mood entirely in just that split second. He'd spend all his time on Sam if that was what the boy wanted. No matter what, he wanted to be with him. He wanted to kiss every inch of his skin, trace every mark, and memorize every sound he would make. He wanted to kiss away every tear, and make him blush.

But Sam didn't love him. Sam couldn't love him. Sam had Katrina.

Colby's eyes filled with tears, and he sucked a breath in through his teeth. Colby pulled out his phone and began to type a note onto his Instagram story.

"I want to start off by saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm going to have to leave all of you like this. I want you all to know that I love you so, so much. I'm so thankful to have known all of you. It was an honor.

And Sam. I love you more than you could ever possibly know. I love you so much that I know, no matter how much I want you to, you shouldn't be with a man like me. You're better off without. I wish I could talk to you forever, but this note will do. 

I'm sorry to all my friends. I love you. And I'll miss you.

The world is too cruel for me. Too difficult and too painful and too big. I'm too weak for this world. I can't pretend to be anything else any longer. 

Goodbye,  
Cole"

5 minutes passed.  
Thousands upon thousands of terrified fans, and nearly all of his friends and family were messaging and calling him. He turned his phone on silent. 

He stood up to complete his task when he saw a small figure racing up from the distance.


	7. Chapter 7

Colby immediately recognized the person as Sam. "Colby! No! Oh my God no! Please stop!"

Colby's heart shattered at the terror in Sam's shaking voice. Sam stopped in front of Colby, tears streaming from his red, puffy eyes. He didn't move any closer, afraid of Colby jumping.

"Colby. Cole. I'm begging you, don't do this." Sam reached out a gloved hand. His hand was shaking, Colby noted. "Please."

Colby's eyes met Sam's. Blue on blue. Colby knew he couldn't deny Sam. When had he ever been able to? He grabbed Sam's hand in his, ignoring the way his stomach flipped. 

Sam pulled him from the ledge so swiftly that Colby nearly fell. He would have if it hadn't been for falling into Sam, who clutched him tightly with a relieved sob. "I thought I was too late. Holy shit. I thought you were dead."

Colby's face must have been bright red, and he had tears streaming from his eyes. He had almost just died. He almost just killed himself. Oh my God. He almost just died.

Sam ran his hands through Colby's hair desperately. "Why would you do that? Just because of me? Colby, you are everything to me." Sam held Colby tighter.

Colby took a deep inhale to calm himself and pulled away. "Not in the same way, Sam."

Sam looked helpless. Desperate. "I-I could try and learn. To love you like that. I could try."

Colby laughed, with no humor or happiness behind it. "It doesn't work like that, Sam...And besides. You've got Kat to worry about. I want you to be happy, Sam."

Sam shivered, looking away. "But I want you to be happy, too."

Colby blinked away the tears in his eyes. "Sam. No matter what happens, no matter who I meet, no matter what you do, I will always love you. I promise you that." Colby murmured. "And if you are happy. Then I'll learn to be happy too. And we'll be okay."

Sam smiled softly, wiping tears. "We'll be okay? Actually okay?"

Colby nodded. "Actually okay."

Sam sobbed in relief. "Okay. Thank God. Okay." He smiled at his best friend. "I'm so sorry, Colbs. Im sorry that I can't feel the same. It's not your fault. You're amazing."

Colby shivered at the nickname but smiled back anyway. "It's alright. It's not your fault either. We have no choice about who we love. And I hope you and Kat are very happy together."

Sam smiled. "Thanks. No matter what it's still Sam and Colby vs The World though. Sam and Colby forever."

Colby ignored the sadness that was heavy in his bones. "Sam and Colby forever."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3


End file.
